I always suspected New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was eating far too many Big Macs.
I told myself Big Macs in such large numbers are neither good for the body nor for the mind.
Now my worst fears have come true.
New Jersey’s State Board of Education has approved a whole bunch of Hindu and Sikh holidays in the coming July 2016-June 2017 school year for which the schools must allow excused absences.
Rama Navami – NJ Hindu Religious School Holiday
The list of approved Hindu and Sikh holidays that allow kids to play truant from school is a long one and even includes a holiday for Naga Panchami (worship of snakes).
Just snakes? Hindus also worship cows, buffaloes, tortoises, crows and a gaggle of other creatures including bipeds like Khushboo and Rajinikanth.
By the way, did you know that we Hindus consider crows sacred and leave food offerings to crows on the anniversary of our parents and grandparents’ deaths.
But I’m more than a bit disappointed with the Christie administration.
Devout Hindus also have a glorious tradition of giving their infant children a few spoons of cow piss known as Ganjala, Gomuth or Gomuthra. Of course, the millennials call it Cow-ca-Cola.
Supposedly, this Gomuth will keep infants in good health and enable them to grow into strong and smart adults. Although it did not work in my case (yours truly is both feeble and feeble-minded), I must confess my deep sense of grievance toward the Christie Administration at the omission of Gomuth Panchami in the list of approved religious holiday for school absence.
You can be sure I will shoot off a strong letter of complaint to the New Jersey branch of the American Civil Liberties Union, NAACP and just to irritate them mark a copy to the Tea Party, the Cruz and Trump campaigns and Sean Hannity.
Religious Holiday List
If you’re still awake, here’s the list of Hindu and Sikh holidays:
July 19 – Guru Purnima
August 7 – Naga Panchami
August 18 – Raksha Bandhan
August 25 – Krishna Janmashtami
September 5 – Ganesha Chaturthi
September 14 – Onam
October 1-10 – Navaratri
October 11 – Duserra
October 20 – Installation of the Scriptures as Guru Granth
October 30 – Diwali
October 31 – Goverdhan Puja
November 14 – Guru Nanak Dev Sahib Birthday
November 24 – Guru Tegh Bahadur Martyrdom
January 5 – Birthday of Guru Gobind Singh Sahib
January 13 – Maghi
January 14 – Makar Sankranti and Pongal
February 1 – Vasant Panchami
February 25 – Maha Shivaratri
March 13 – Holi
March 13 – Hola Mohalla
March 28 – Chandramana Yugadi
April 5 – Ramnavami
April 11 – Hanuman Jayanti
June 16 – Martyrdom of Guru Arjan Dev Sahib (Sikh)
Yes, a bunch of Buddhist and Muslim religious holidays are also included in the craziness.
Gautama Buddha would be rolling in his grave if he knew Vishaka Puja (Buddha’s Birthday) has been declared a religious holiday by the Big Mac hogger Chris Christie.